All throughout my life, I’ve always felt just a little bit different. I noticed details that others missed, or missed details that were obvious to everyone else. My brothers like to say that I’m book-genius, but common sense- well, I won’t repeat their colorful and inappropriate language, but you can probably figure out what they would say. It takes me forever to read anything because I’m always having to go back to re-read entire paragraphs. That’s not because I struggled with the concepts, but because my mind was on something else as I was actively reading. When I get very interested in something, the entire world could melt away around me and I would not notice. On the other hand, having to work on something that doesn’t interest me is probably a concept that was invented by evil monks back in the dark ages. I have a few childhood memories of being absolutely traumatized by what I now know was just my perception of rejection.
Somehow, through all of this, I managed to be a good student and build a solid career. I did it the old fashioned way, too: through hard work, I took an entry level job and rode the corporate escalator up to a nice leadership position in a Fortune 100 company’s HQ, where I was entrusted to guide and mentor other people. (Not to brag, but I even had 2 offices on campus once. Okay, they were just big desks in a cubicle farm, but still…) That took a lot of work, focus, and dedication. Later, I sought the degrees to add some legitimacy to my professional experience, and did that while still working. Again, more hard work, focus, and dedication. But underneath it all, there was still that feeling of being a little different. So, it came as a shock but not really a surprise when I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2024 at the age of >30.
This website is dedicated to all people out there that also feel just a little bit different. I want to take my life experience and share everything I’ve learned in the hope that it helps someone else, in some way, feel better about their own unique flavor of different.
The ADHD Game
ADHD is like being in a contest with no prize, fighting really hard and winning just to find out you were only competing with yourself. Nobody else was actually watching or aware of the game. Nobody was watching your mistakes or judging you for them. The shot-clock and slo-mo replays were all in your head. The people around you weren’t watching a competition, they were just cheering you on all along.
A later-age diagnosis means that I was stuck playing that game for far too long. Through all of my successes and failures, whether they were personal and/or professional, it was all done with that invisible gameshow feeling weighing me down.
In some ways, my diagnosis is like the serenity prayer they use in self-help programs. As I learn more about ADHD and can reflect on how it has impacted me and those around me, that awareness has allowed me to accept the things about me that I cannot change, and work on the things that I can. I still miss communications and goals, but I don’t feel (as) guilty because I know it’s part of my brain wiring. I try to be realistic about what I can accomplish in a day, and stopped comparing myself to others. I feel better about my accomplishments when they happen instead of focusing on imperfections and/or incompletions. I make smaller goals, give myself time to feel the joy in the smaller tasks, and celebrate mistakes when I can learn from them. (I believe one can always learn something from a mistake.) Now, instead of racking up points in my head, worrying about whether I got the answer right or finished the task before the buzzer, I am more focused on how I feel, which impacts how I think and act. I don’t beat myself up when I get it wrong and I feel so much better for it.
I’ve decided that I want to try to help other people through the grief and growth that comes with a fresh ADHD diagnosis, the perils of navigating a neurotypical world with a neurodivergent mind, and/or those that love and support friends, family, or colleagues that have ADHD. I’ve long said that helping people was my ultimate goal, but I never really found the way to do that exactly how I wanted. When I was younger I wanted to be a teacher. Later, I fell into a corporate world that saw me grow from offering productive feedback in QA to managing teams in corporate HQ. Those roles allowed me to help people improve their work and perform better. Sure, I was helping them sharpen skills and maybe increase their earning potential, tangentially improving their lives, but that work was constrained. The ultimate goal was always a better outcome for company stakeholders. There were policies and politics, and a corporate culture to maintain.
So, now I am unconstrained by any company’s policies or self-serving aims. I can focus on simply helping people. Instead of playing the invisible contest in my head and racking up points on a meaningless scoreboard, I can spread my focus outward and share all of my learned experience with others. To do that, I’ve launched this website with the help of my good friend and colleague Flo LaBrado. I look forward to sharing more with you as I embark on this journey.