The Cost of Masking – Workplace Connection

We often talk about how neurodivergence impacts one’s way of working — struggling to focus, missing commitments, or being more direct than the room expects. There’s also how organizations benefit from neuro-spicy people who hyperfocus and can work for long stretches, then need a day or two to recover. But that’s a topic for another day.

There’s another concern I have: how neurodivergence may impact forming relationships in the workplace. Not just cross-functional collaboration and achieving shared goals together, but meaningful connections — the kind of friends you want to grab a beer with after work, or a work best friend.

We Should Be Concerned

And this is concerning given that 1 in 5 employees experience loneliness. With the amount of time we spend at work, our colleagues may be the people we spend the most time with. They may even know us better than some of our relatives. Our work relationships satisfy our need for meaningful connection, and may even act as an early detection system and safety net for mental health issues.

I can imagine that neurodivergent people may feel this loneliness more acutely, as a cost of masking. The person with ADHD who works hard to control their impulses is spending so much emotional and mental energy on that effort that they have less left to connect with the people around them.

Or the person who constantly overcompensates for dyslexia or dyscalculia, putting up a front because they’re afraid of being found out.

Or the autistic colleague who pretends to be interested in small talk, or avoids it altogether, because Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is real — even if it is not well understood yet.

These are just a few examples of how the hard work of masking can create distance between people.

Be Yourself?

So what happens when the default expectation in a workplace is neurotypical, and someone’s brain — and behavior — is wired differently?

The inclusive thing to say is, be yourself.

But, really?

Think about your own workplace experiences:

• When a colleague laughs a little louder than you think they should.
• When someone doesn’t hold eye contact with you in a conversation.
• When a teammate skips the small talk and dives straight into a deep conversation you weren’t prepared for.

In these moments, when neurotypical people read the behavior as “awkward,” what’s the initial reaction? Are we really ready for our neurospicy colleagues to unmask?